Strengths and weakness: shaken, not stirred

I find it incredibly amusing ,actually, because the assignment I found the most challenging, the advertisement analysis paper, I got an 83 on. The assignment I found easiest to write, the rhetorical analysis of the New York Times column, I got a 73 on. So while I may have found the advertisement essay harder to write, I got a better grade on it than on the rhetorical analysis that I enjoyed writing. I think that actually says a lot about my writing, because while my personal words and views flowed better when writing the rhetorical analysis, as an academic paper it failed in places.

I am a stronger writer when I’m not bound by rules and strictures and the perfect thesis and evidence to back up said thesis, and the rhetorical analysis felt too much like a free write for me. I expressed my feelings, and while I wasn’t wrong in doing that, I missed key things that would have made my paper more of a rhetorical analysis, like the assignment called for, and less of me ranting about hypocrisy and calling the article author a moronic idiot every other paragraph. I jumped on the wiggle room the provided and turned it into room for a dance party.

The advertisement analysis had a lot more definition. I had a specific purpose the paper had to fulfill, and I didn’t have the opportunity to throw my opinion around with it. There was point A, point B, and point C, and my job was to make them flow well together, neat and organized. That was a lot less fun for me, and when writing isn’t really fun, the words don’t flow as easily. So because I had the structure of the advertisement analysis to follow, I hit more correct points and got a better grade, but I struggled to get there and didn’t really enjoy the process.

This class really helped with my essay writing skills. As much as I love writing as a whole, essays were something I struggled with a lot my last two years of high school, when the topics became more academic and less personal. I know how to come up with a starting thesis (I think I need a little more help before I can work out a final thesis on my own) and how to turn it into a decent college-level paper, and I definitely could not do that at the beginning of the semester.

Bully for You (Draft 1)

            Online bullying is an issue that millions of people deal with on a regular basis. I have personally seen people fall to pieces over a careless or even deliberate comment on the internet; I’ve also been on the receiving end of a few hurtful remarks myself. Bill Keller’s New York Times article “The Bully Pulpit” gives the impression that it talks about the huge problem that internet bullying has become, and in a way, it does. Unfortunately, Keller spends little time focusing on his thesis, instead using the space to complain about his own misfortunes in dealing with online bullies. In his piece, he talks about the liberal side of Twitter and nytimes.com and the negative comments he got from those sources on another column, as well as listing the reasons why he finds the internet can be a “hospitable place for malice.” His thoughts seem to move quicker than he can get them down on paper, and he fails to offer clarification when it’s needed. I find that Keller is also quick to judge, insulting the more left leaning readers and commenters on the two social media sites. Due to this aggression towards some of his audience and his habit of leaving other readers in the dark, I do not feel that the author’s argument is valid.

            It is clear from the beginning that Keller is not connecting with his audience. He spends most of the first paragraph explaining why he is writing about the topic in the first place, bringing up a panel that he’s going to be a part of that’s discussing how technology is changing the way children grow up. He pokes fun at himself, saying his job must be to make the other panel members “look brilliant by comparison.” While his ability to laugh at himself if commendable and personable, it makes believing in his claim a little difficult. After all, he did just admit that he doesn’t know very much about the subject. He also merely infers that internet bullying will come up during the panel, based on the fact that one of the speakers has recently released a book on the subject. He never names the book, leaving some readers, myself included, in the dark. This need for the audience to already be in the know to understand a reference takes away from his credibility and lessons his character. His lack of prior knowledge before approaching the subject does this as well, leading to a huge flaw in his article. Strike one.

            Moving into a new topic, one that scarcely relates to the first, Keller brings up on article he wrote in a previous week, which had been about President Obama, the sequester, and his opinion on the whole thing. It’s at this point that the author finally properly approaches online bullies, but it’s also where I feel he starts to cross a line. He mentions reading the comments on nytimes.com, and the feedback he received on Twitter, and then blatantly attacks those reviewers. While he says that some of the responses were thought-provoking and intelligent, most were harsh and insulting. He vaguely validates it, saying that The Times tends to attract a lot of liberal readers, and his column was conservative in comparison. While most might understand or even see reason in the negative reactions, Keller, it would seem, does not. The author is stacking the deck, playing the innocent victim. He offered nothing that would suggest he saw their side of the argument. Instead, he labels the group “liberals” using the blanket, political term like slang, as though he considers them to be lesser people because of the comments they made. The nytimes.com comments are then pinned against the responses he received on the popular social media website, Twitter. While the opinions from the two sources were relatively similar, the Twitter responses were meaner and shallower. “It was like the difference between a relatively civil council meeting and open mic night at a really bad comedy club.” The teasing, sarcastic comment borders on rude, and can even be seen as Keller being a bully. The arrogance is weakening his ethos, and the entire situation is strike two.

            Using extravagant wording, the author compiles a bullet point list of the reasons he finds the internet to be such a threatening place. One claim in particular that stuck out to me was “social media rewards partisanship.” Now, I have to admit, I had to look up the definition of partisanship. Roughly translated into simpler terms, Keller is saying that social media encourages single-mindedness. The author, who previously addressed the commenters as “liberals”, is now moving them down another rank, to mindless followers. The over dramatics of the list, this point specifically, seem more like half-hearted entertainment than intelligent information, though I’m sure that wasn’t Keller’s intention. The cherry on top is when Keller contradicts the entire list, saying “I believe the blessings of the internet outnumber the dangers.” Taking back a claim he just made throws me, as a reader, for a loop. I find myself questioning all the other points he made, wondering if he really stands behind them. That, mixed with the exaggerations of the list, equals strike three.

            Finally, in the very last line of the column, Keller states his main thesis. “Twitter doesn’t make you mean; but social media can bring out the bully in all of us.” I think that this thesis had a lot of potential for a good piece of writing that could really make an impact on people, but the author’s thoughts and claims and minor points jump all over the place, missing his main point several times. Keller is quick to judge, he’s oversensitive to outside opinions while getting paid to give his own, and his attempts to make his audience laugh feels more like he’s struggling to fill an awkward plot hole. He fills the shoes of the perfect internet bully; he plays the part of the innocent victim while he dishes out attacks on others. It happens all the time, and this author isn’t the first person or the last to get away with it. The trend is on the rise, if the article doesn’t make that clear enough. It’s time for people to step back and realize how much damage they are doing, before its pushed too far.

Peer Review Worksheet

1) Does my thesis make sense/is it clear?

2) Are the transitions between between paragraphs clean?

3) Is my language easy to understand?

4) Do I have enough evidence to back up my claims?

5) Is there anything else you think I should change/add/remove?

Bully for You - Take Two

I enjoyed my first rewrite of essay two more than the original write up of it. It was great because I already had most of my ideas fleshed out, so when I did go back and do the rewrite, I got to play around with the wording and expand on ideas that I had either missed or not properly fleshed out the first time around. It was easier, after taking a small break from the essay, to look at it objectively, see what needed to be changed, or cut, or added throughout the paper.

I marked a part near the beginning of my essay that you had marked on my paper. The note confused me when I looked back on it, so I left the section in the rewrite so I could get more clarification on the problem with it.

I'm really excited for the final draft of this essay. I feel like it has so much potential, and I'm just scratching the surface of it.

Revising Quiz

Take a deep, relaxing breath, and picture the calming advertisement in your head. The background is multiple shades of blue, with clouds floating in to give it a sky appearance. This gives off a cool and calm vibe, which plays up the relaxing mood the ad is trying to sell. The text of the advertisement is written in a navy blue, with white mounds on top of the letters designed to look like snow. This adds to the clear, refreshing atmosphere of the picture. This advertisement is successfully selling the cooling, serene feeling that the product offers, is a very simple way.

Essay Three - The Adventure

For the third essay assignment of rewriting one of our previous papers, I have chosen to redo my first essay, the advertisement analysis one. I feel like it has a lot of potential to become a good piece of writing, with a strong thesis and well thought out ideas. I really enjoyed the writing process the first time around. Picking out the different aspects of the advertisement was a fun way to refine my attention to detail, and it was nice to play with the creative side of essay writing. I think that going into it a second time with an open mind will allow me to develop more cohesive thoughts and turn them into an interesting and accurate analysis.

My first step in the revising and rewriting process is to attack and refresh my thesis statement, making it more about the authenticity of the advertisement and the product it is selling, as was suggested. I think that will be a good starting point in establishing my topic. The new thesis will help me with my outline, which I am going to draw up before I start rewriting. I want to elaborate more on certain points in my body paragraphs, such as the lack of slogan, and the goose bumps on the model, as well as add some new ones, like how having the name of the company adds to the credibility of the advertisement. I want the essay to be an entertaining read for my audience, but I also want it to make an accurate argument about the advertisement itself and what exactly the company is trying to sell with it. I want to go beyond the black and white surface view that any casual observer will see and find and explore the gray areas of the story that the advertisement is trying to tell.

the rise and fall of logic

I am of the opinion that Kohn's reasoning in "The Dangerous Myth of Grade Inflation is sound. He starts off with facts and quotes that counter the existence of grade inflation by showing that grades have actually been decreasing over the years. He then gives strong and logical alternative reasons for why the grades are raising other than through inflation. He almost calls bull on the idea that rising grades is a bad thing. If, like he believes, it's due to something other that purposeful inflation, schools and the community should be celebrating.
Kohn uses official documents and quotes from various professionals to support his claims. He organizes his thoughts and evidence well, making it a clean read, and a clean sweep for his argument.

The King of Quality

Zoom in on Average Joe’s ear. He’s got those classic mutton-chop sideburns and his shoulder length black hair is slicked back. There are goose bumps littering his skin, showing how content he is. Hanging from his ear, where a headphone ear bud would be, is Elvis Presley. He’s shrunk down to size and, wearing his signature white jumpsuit, is singing directly into his ear. This advertisement is selling the personal concert experience without the expensive ticket.

This advertisement is meant to catch your eye. It’s simple, aesthetically pleasing, and right off the bat, it makes you think. Not many ads have a miniature Elvis hanging from a man’s ear. The message comes across clearly. It is a good product, it works, and if you love music, you should buy it. This is better than watching music videos online or on the television. This is better than dropping hundreds of dollars on concert ticket after concert ticket only to barely be able to see the stage. For a little over two hundred dollars (www.samsung.com) you’re getting the experience of the singer taking your requests on your time.

The man’s Elvis-esqe cut, the way he has his hair slicked back like the famous performer always did, is there to appeal not only to lovers of Elvis Presley, but to lovers of music in general. It shows how easy it is to immerse yourself in the music with this product. The ad makes it more personal to music enthusiasts everywhere. In addition, using the iconic image of Elvis is meant to play off the credibility that comes with his name. Elvis Presley was and still is loved by millions of people, and his name means something, especially in the world of entertainment.

The lack of a slogan, while detrimental for other advertisements, makes this particular one stronger. Usually the slogan is what sticks in your head once you walk away from an advertisement, so you think about it and later come to buy the product. In this case, a slogan would almost be overkill. The audience already has the image of Elvis Presley hanging from a man’s ear in their heads. It’s hard to get more memorable than this. Here, the slogan and the ad are the same thing. The photo, and therefore the product, sells itself.

This advertisement is very good. It’s simple, it’s eye-catching, and it’s straight to the point. It pulls in your attention and doesn’t let it go right away. It makes you think, and really brings home the idea of a personal concert without the ticket.

stats

 

Claim 1:  American's are more willing to give up eating out than media.

Claim 2: More people were willing to give up entertainment now than five years ago.

Claim 3: Entertainment fuels our generation.

open book

My tumblr, the social network I frequent the most, is very open. People read my bio and know what they're getting into with my blog. I mention what I like, my sexuality, and the currents shows ad books I'm engaged in, right in that little paragraph. I feel like it's the one place I can really be myself.
It shows that I am a bit of a nerd. It shows that I like to laugh, or cry when something touches my head. I post some things that I have written, and talk about my aspiration to become a published author.
My girlfriend is mentioned quite often. Unfortunately, if a future employer is looking at my blog, they may decide not to hire me because of my sexuality, but then, I'd rater not work for a homophobe in the first placce.
I like to think that my tumblr shows that I a a good person with positive ethos, and that others see that, too.

Ethos and Inaugurals

                I have always been a fan of President Obama. I feel that, even if he hasn’t been the best president, he is a good man, with morals and ethics that I can stand behind. He loves his family, he’s not afraid to goof around and crack jokes about himself. I am not ashamed to say that I voted for him last November, and am happy that he is our president for another term. Reading through his impressive Inaugural Address, I believe that while he takes advantage of (and properly handles) many ethos, his greatest strength is his ability to connect with the American citizen.

President Obama takes advantage of imagery through words in his address. One piece in particular really stuck with me. “We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American, she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own.”  He is painting a picture in your head of a common occurrence, something that happens all the time, and using it to prove his point, and show that he is only going to do good for his country. He gives everyone something they can recognize, something every American has experienced in some way, and it helps your confidence in him to grow.

“Vice President Biden, Mr. Chief Justice, Members of the United States Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens.” That is how President Obama opens his address. I love the way that he says ‘fellow citizens’ rather than the many other ways he could have addressed them. He is showing that he considers himself an equal to everyone else living in this country. He doesn’t think that he is superior. Later on in his address, he starts each new thought ‘we, the people’, giving everyone the feeling of companionship. It’s not ‘what I can do for you’, it’s ‘what we can do for each other’. I think that is an amazing way to grab the audiences’ hearts and really connect with them.

There are many ways to misuse ethos in speeches. Some people are too happy, too sad, and too angry. They insult people, rather that appearing to sympathize with them. The president doesn’t do that though. He is consistent, and trustworthy, and his words reflect his actions every time.

vs.

Computers and phones and other such products are a rapidly growing business, and they have been for years. Companies are always competing at full force, trying to one up each other, through sales and gimmicks and advertisements. These ads come in the forms of television and radio commercials, posters and billboards, and occasionally, a comic. Using two extremes on a style scale, this particular image above is arguing that one computer company is better than the other, more specifically that Apple is better than Windows. It is an older cartoon, which is evident by the style of the company’s logos, and the style of the art. The cartoon is using two extreme opposites to demonstrate its point, one I think comes across very clearly.

The cartoon features two cars, one representing Apple, the other representing Windows. The Apple car is white with blue accents. It is obviously new, with fast and fancy controls, and is in great condition. The hood of the car is lifted, and the engine is looking perfect. The driver is wearing a clean, crisp, white jumpsuit, with blue accents much like the car. He is leaning against the front of the car looking smug and happy. He is young and handsome and obviously carefree. This shows me that the artist obviously believed Apple to be the better company.

The second car, the one representing Windows, is an unfortunate shade of brown. The car is old, and rusted, and falling apart. The hood of the car is lifted, showing the engine to be in complete disarray, with an older design and mismatched parts. The driver is wearing a dirty blue jumpsuit and is slouched against the car, looking miserable. He is older and much less attractive than the smug Apple driver. The artist was trying to show that, at least in his opinion, Windows is the lesser of the two companies, with poor quality items.

The cartoon is sharp, clean, and to the point. You can tell at first glance that, in the opinion of the artist, and quite a few consumers, that if you have to choose between a Windows product and an Apple product, Apple is the way to go. While this might not necessarily be true, I find that the image does a very good job in defending this argument, and that it is good advertising that will probably bring in a lot of business.

By the cover.

The best kind of bookshelf is stuffed with many different books, each of them filled with different information than the last. The books have thick, stiff spines, and are waiting eagerly to be opened. Each one is capable of taking the reader to a different world, a different time and place.

Books fascinate me. I have loved reading since I was a child, sitting next to my night light on the floor, a picture book spread open on my lap. I have always been eager to learn, to fill my head the way an author fills a book with knowledge.

I want to be a writer. My goal in life is to become a published author, to transport people into different worlds, if only for a few hours. I want to see my books on the shelves, and my name on the cover.

I am not one for being shy. Like a book, I’ll answer questions, and give advice. I’m not afraid to be myself.